What's in a name?

When I was younger, I knew the names of my future children. I was going to have two: Maddi & Jake. Well by the time I was 11, one of my favorite cousins had had a baby girl and named her Madison. How could she steal my girl name!?!   :)   Next thing I knew, I'm a few years down the road and I hear that my same cousin had just had a boy and named him.... yep, you guessed it: Jake.

At this point, I realized two things: that the same names were popular to most Americans at the same time AND I couldn't even remember why I liked those names or why I had chosen them to be "my picks".

That was over ten years ago. I still like the names even though I have no intent of ever using them, and they're a perfect fit for my cousin's kids. But I know now, after naming a child, that it is a different process for me than to just hear a name (or see a cute girl/boy with that name) and know it's destined for my child.

Naming Michael was pretty simple. I had always loved the name but never considered using it until I sat there, pregnant, in the temple. From there, it was pretty undeniable that I would use it for a son at some point--if not for this baby then maybe another. We still didn't officially decide and tossed around a handful of names up until a few days before delivery. Even in the hospital, we had two names but the minute we saw him, the decision was made, and Michael Steven became a family name.

After having Michael, I've started to think more carefully about names I hear. If it catches my ear (? can you even say that?) I write it down. Well, that's a lie... I text it into my phone and save it in a list of names. I look over that list every few weeks and throw names around with Steve. We play around with the ideas and then I delete/add/change the names. (I bet you think I'm weird now.)

A couple nights ago, Steve was watching TV and I was sitting next to him on the couch drawing on Michael's magnadoodle. I started writing names I like--names WE like and have discussed. Within a few minutes, I had our entire family named and doodled into the board. I showed Steve and he said, "Wait what about ________ (suggesting a name I'd never heard him bring up)." So it was added. Then Steve counted. "Wait... five?" he asked. "Well you're the one who said 'don't forget little _______' so yes, that makes five. But we can take it right back off." We sat and laughed over the possibility of our future kids.

But here's the thing. I have lots of names I think we could use but only 2 (maybe 3) that we know we will use if given the chance. Names we love. Names we see fit for our family. Names we're excited about... Names we won't share. (Except for one... some of our family knows of one name we definitely want to use someday if we ever have a little girl.)

Is this silly? Do you tell people names you know you want to use? Are you afraid they'll steal it?

Does this sound crazy to any of you?

Steve and I... we're not set on much... but we are set on these. So I think 'well, just tell the family and "call" them. Then they won't use it.' But pregnant women are emotional and sometimes just don't know which way is up. So I'm afraid someone will swear up and down that they won't use "our" name but then see their baby, and because I've put the thought into their mind, might think "our" name is the perfect fit for their child.

On the other hand, what if I never say anything keeping them a secret. And someone has a baby (boy or girl... we have names for both) before I do and thinks of the name all on their own! Then I would be mad that I never "called" the name first.

Sounds like first grade, right? Telling someone they can't have that because you had "called it." It wouldn't matter to me as much if friends or acquaintances hear the names and decide to use them. But I would be sad if family did.

Is this even worth thinking about? I don't know yet when we'll have our next. I don't know if my future kids will be boys or girls or both. We don't even know how many kids we'll have for sure. But it's something I think about as I feel surrounded by people having babies. Something that might make more sense to think about if I were pregnant. But I'm not... I'm just a girl who does too much thinking and worrying.